Instruction: It's our job, apparently

Hi,

"'Instruct your peer (Vayikra 19:17)' – This is another mitzvah, to teach him ethical instruction, 'and you shall not bear sin for him,' for should he sin and should you fail to instruct him, you would bear guilt."

"הוכח תוכיח את עמיתך" - מצוה אחרת, ללמדו תוכחת מוסר, "ולא תשא עליו חטא" שיהיה עליך אשם כאשר יחטא ולא הוכחת אותו. 

(Nachmanides to Vayikra 19:17)

Have a great day,

Mordechai

The obligation to instruct others

Hi,

"The obligation of instruction, aside from its active mitzvah, also involves a transgression in its failure: You shall not stand by the blood of your brother. It also involves the mitzvah of ‘You shall restore it to him,’ which includes loss of his body and certainly, in saving a person from sinning, loss of his body and spirit."

חיוב התוכחה, לבד מצות עשה שבה עוד מתחייב בבטולה בעבירה על לא תעשה דלא תעמוד על דם רעך, ובעשה דוהשבותו לו לרבות אבדת גופו וכל שכן הצלה מן העברה שיש בה אבידת הגוף והנפש 

(Rabbi Ben Zion Uziel, Mishpitei Uziel 4:3:1)

Have a great day,

Mordechai

Types of Hatred, Part 3 of 3

Hi,

"A wise man [Mivchar Peninim 40] said: If you wish your peer to hate you, criticize him continually. If you wish him to love you, criticize him only on rare occasion.

"Thus Proverbs 25:17 says, 'Make your foot rare from your friend's home, lest he be sated with you and hate you.' 

"And you must know that when one hates others, they will also hate him, and one who elevates hatred in his heart will bring evil upon himself."

אמר החכם: אם תרצה שישנאך חברך - בקרהו תמיד, ואם תרצה שיאהבך - בקרהו לעתים רחוקות, ועל זה נאמר (משלי כה יז): "הוקר רגלך מבית רעך פן ישבעך ושנאך". וצריך שתדע, כי מי שישנא בני אדם - גם הם ישנאוהו, והמגביר השנאה בלבו - הוא מביא על עצמו רעה. 

(Orchot Tzaddikim, Shaar haSinah)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Types of Hatred, Part 1 of 3

Hi,

"There are several kinds of hatred: Some hate others for harming them financially, or striking them, or embarrassing them, or giving them a bad reputation. For all of these and similar cases, one should not hate his peer in silence, as the wicked are said to have done (Shemuel II 13:22), "Avshalom did not speak with Amnon, bad or good, for Avshalom hated Amnon." Rather, he is obligated to inform him, saying, "Why did you do this to me?" As Vayikra 19:17 says, "Instruct your peer." If he then requests forgiveness, one must forgive. The forgiver may not be cruel… And even should he not request forgiveness, one may not hate him, but only deal with him with love. In the end, he will come to correct that which he had corrupted.

"There is an evil which is pointless hatred; this destroyed the Second Temple. Hatred resulting from jealousy is even worse; one should take pains to distance himself from these. Some hate a person for not acting generously toward him, or not giving him a desired gift, or not lending when he was in need; it would be appropriate to distance one's self from all of these, and all similar states. One should lovingly accept that which the Creator decrees, and not rely on others…"

יש כמה מיני שנאה: יש שונא את חבירו עבור שהזיק לו בממונו, או שהכהו, או עבור שביישהו, או שהוציא עליו שם רע. על כל אלו וכיוצא בהן לא ישנא את חבירו וישתוק, כמו שנאמר ברשעים (שמואל ב יג כב): "ולא דבר אבשלום עם אמנון למרע ועד טוב כי שנא אבשלום את אמנון" - אלא מצוה עליו להודיעו ולומר לו: למה עשית לי כך וכך? שנאמר (ויקרא יט יז): "הוכח תוכיח את עמיתך". ואם חזר ובקש ממנו למחול לו, צריך למחול לו, ולא יהיה המוחל אכזרי... ואף אם לא יבקש ממנו למחול לו, לא ישנאהו, אלא יתנהג עמו באהבה, ולבסוף יבוא לידי כך שיתקן לו מה שעיוות.

יש רעה, והיא שנאת חנם, והיא החריבה בית שני. ושנאה מחמת קנאה היא רעה ממנה. וראוי לאדם לייסר את נפשו להתרחק מהן. ויש שונא את חבירו עבור שאינו גומל לו חסד, או שאינו נותן לו מתנה כפי חפצו, או שאינו מלוה לו בשעת דחקו. ראוי לאדם להתרחק מכל זה ומכיוצא בו. אך יקבל מאהבה כל מה שיגזור לו הבורא, ברוך הוא, ולא יבטח באדם...

(Orchot Tzaddikim, Shaar haSinah)

Have a great day,

Mordechai

48 Ways: #35 - Love Rebuke

Hi,

Pirkei Avot 6:5 teaches that Torah is acquired in 48 ways, which it lists for us. The thirty-fifth of the 48 is oheiv et hatochachot, to love rebuke.

As we suggested for the previous two "ways", we may understand this as a statement that a refined personality is needed for success in Torah study. Therefore, one who embraces instruction will be better prepared for achievement.

Alternatively, we may suggest that one who is open to rebuke will also be open to having his mind changed about a particular approach to a text or an idea. Those whose minds are dominated by their first impressions are at a distinct disadvantage in the realm of serious scholarship.

Have a great day,
Mordechai

How to educate

Hi,

"Harms that come to instill rebuke are not effective; you see that the Jews were not humbled before Gd by the halting of dew and rain for three years."

(Ralbag to Melachim I 19:12)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Criticism and Self-Criticism

Hi,

"Reish Lakish said (based on a verse, Tzefaniah 2:1): First improve [lit. decorate] your own actions, then worry about improving the actions of others."

(Talmud, Bava Metzia 107b)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Respond!

Hi,

"If you hear people gossiping or speaking disgustingly or mocking Torah and mitzvot, and you know that they are stubborn and won't listen and so you just put your hand over your mouth, you will be punished for not responding to their foolishness."

(Rabbeinu Yonah, Shaarei Teshuvah 3:197)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

A rabbi and a man

Hi,

"A rabbi they don't want to chase from town isn't really a rabbi, and a rabbi they chase from town isn't really a man."

(R' Yisrael Salanter, as cited in Tenuat haMussar 1:305)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

The popularity of a Torah scholar

Hi,

"Abbaye said: If a Torah scholar is beloved to his city, it isn't that he is good. Rather, it's because he does not rebuke them in heavenly matters."

(Talmud, Ketuvot 105b)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

One's obligation toward others

Hi,

"Every Jew is instructed to separate others from sin, even an individual who does not have the status of a court."

(Rabbi Yaakov of Lissa, Netivot haMishpat, Choshen Mishpat 3:1)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Priorities

Hi,

"Reish Lakish said (based on Tzefaniah 2:1): First improve[lit. decorate] your own actions, then improve the actions of others."

(Talmud, Bava Metzia 107a)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

The difficulty of receiving and delivering rebuke

Hi,

"Rabbi Tarfon said: I would be stunned if anyone in this generation would accept rebuke. If one would say, ‘Take a splinter from between your eyes,’ he would reply, ‘Take a beam from between your eyes.’

"Rabbi Elazar ben Azaryah said: I would be stunned if anyone in this generation would know how to deliver rebuke."

(Talmud, Arachin 16b)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Rebuke in private

Hi,

"When one person sins against another, and the other rebukes him in private, then he can apologize, and the offended party can accept his apology and make peace with him."

(Sefer haChinuch 239)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Rebuke

Hi,

"How do we know that one who sees his friend act improperly should rebuke him? It is written, ‘Rebuke your friend.’

"If he rebuked him and it was not received, how do we know that he should rebuke him again? It is written [a second time], ‘You shall rebuke’ – in any case.

"Should he do it until his friend’s face changes color [in shame]? No; it is written, ‘And do not bear sin for him.’"

(Talmud, Erchin 16b)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

The style of Prophets

Hi,

"‘And this is the berachah which Moshe blessed’ – Because Moshe spoke harsh things to Israel first… he then went back and told them consoling things… and from him all of the prophets learned to first address the Jews with harsh words and then to return with consoling words. No prophet spoke harsher words than Hosheia, who began with, “Gd, give them what You will give! Give them…”

(Sifri, Devarim 342)

Note: That passage from Hosheia is actually Hosheia 9:14, but it precedes the more merciful passages in the book.

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Rebuke your rabbi

Hi,

Preface: The Torah says (Vayyikra 19), “הוכח תוכיח You shall rebuke, you shall rebuke.”

“One of the sages asked Rava, “Shall we interpret that to mean, 'You shall rebuke' – once, 'You shall rebuke' – even twice?

“Rava replied, “The first 'You shall rebuke' means even one hundred times.

“The second 'You shall rebuke' teaches me: I might have thought that only a mentor should rebuke his student; how would I know that a student should rebuke his mentor? Therefore the Torah says, 'You shall rebuke, you shall rebuke' – In any situation.”

(Talmud, Bava Metzia 31a)

Have a great day,
Mordechai