A help, opposite him

Hi,

"And G-d said: It is not good that Man should be alone; I will make for him a help, opposite him."

(Bereishit 2:18)

"If he merits, she will help him. If he does not merit, she will oppose him."

(Talmud, Yevamot 63a)

Have a great day,

Mordechai

Mitzvot of Marriage

Hi,

The Torah's 46th mitzvah, as numbered by Sefer haChinuch, obligates a Jewish husband to fulfill his wife's needs in three areas: (1) Food, (2) Clothing and (3) Marital relations. According to Rambam and Sefer Mitzvot Gadol, building on Ketuvot 47b, all of these are biblical requirements; Ramban (Shemot 21:9) ruled that only the last item is a biblical obligation, and the others are rabbinic institutions.

The extent of each of these three responsibilities depends upon the couple's pre-marriage standards of living. For example: Should a woman from a poor economic background wed a man from a wealthier home, the husband would be obligated to provide according to his own standard of living. On the other hand, a man from a weaker economic background who married a woman who came from greater wealth would be obligated to provide according to her higher standard of living. For more on this see Rambam, Mishneh Torah, Hilchot Ishut Perek 12-14.

המצפה לישועה,

Mordechai

Honouring boundaries in the home

Hi,

"If a man says to his wife, 'I don't want your father/mother/brothers/sisters to enter my home,' we listen to him. She should goes to them if something [requiring a visit] occurs…

"They do not go to her unless something happens to her, like illness or a birth. We do not compel someone to permit others to enter his space. 

"And so, too, if she says, 'I don't want your mother/sisters entering my home, and I won’t live in the yard with them because they harm me or pain me,' we listen to her…"

האומר לאשתו אין רצוני שיבואו לביתי אביך ואמך אחיך ואחיותיך שומעין לו ותהיה היא הולכת להם כשיארע להם דבר... 

ולא יכנסו הם לה אלא אם אירע לה דבר כגון חולי או לידה, שאין כופין את האדם שיכנסו אחרים ברשותו.

וכן היא שאמרה אין רצוני שיכנסו אצלי אמך ואחיותיך ואיני שוכנת עמהם בחצר אחת מפני שמריעין לי ומצירין לי שומעין לה..

(Rambam, Mishneh Torah Hilchot Ishut 13:14)

Have a great day,

Mordechai

Spousal support

Hi,

"'He should stick to his wife (Bereishit 2:24)' – This means he should act as a husband; it is not a sexual reference. He should spend all of his days straining and struggling for her support, not for the support of his father and mother."

ודבק באשתו – מורה על ענין בעלות ולא על מעשה אישות, שכל ימיו יהיה טורח ועמל על פרנסתה ולא על פרנסת אב ואם.

(Vilna Gaon, Aderet Eliyahu to Bereishit 2:24)

Have a great day,

Mordechai

Family Dinner

Hi,

"Where a husband wishes to give his wife her appropriate food and have her eat on her own, he may, so long as he eats with her on Friday night.

"Rama: Some disagree, contending that he may not tell her to eat alone unless she accepts this of her own will, and so appears correct to me."

(Shulchan Aruch Even haEzer 70:2)

Have a great day,

Mordechai

Do not upset your wife

Hi,

"Rav Rechumi was regularly before Rava in Mechoza; he would normally come home every Erev Yom Kippur. One day his learning drew him. His wife was looking, 'Now he'll come, now he'll come,' and he did not come. She grew upset, and tears fell from her eyes. He was sitting on the roof; the roof fell away beneath him, and he died."

(Talmud Ketuvot 62b)

Have a good week,
Mordechai

Sacred marriage

Hi,

"The clinging of man and woman is sacred to Gd, as in, 'And he shall cling to his wife. (Bereishit 2:24)'"

(Radak to Michah 2:11)

חג אורים שמח,
Mordechai

The daughter of a Torah scholar

Hi,

"One should sell off everything he owns, if that's what is required in order for him to marry the daughter of a Torah scholar - for then, even if he would die or suffer exile, he could still be certain that his children will become Torah scholars [due to his wife's influence]."

(Talmud, Pesachim 49a)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Rabbi Akiva and Ben Kalba Savua

Hi,

"R’ Akiva was a shepherd for Ben Kalba Savua. His daughter saw that R’ Akiva was tzanua and good, and she asked him, 'If would accept kiddushin from you, would you go to yeshiva?' He replied, 'Yes.'

"They eloped secretly, and she sent him to yeshiva. Her father heard, evicted her from his home and vowed that she could not benefit from his property.

"R’ Akiva went and sat in yeshiva for twelve years. When he returned, he brought with him twelve thousand students. He heard an elderly man say to her, 'How long will you remain in living widowhood?' To which she replied, 'If he would listen to me, he would stay another twelve years!'

"R’ Akiva said, 'I am doing this with permission!' He returned and sat in yeshiva for another twelve years.

"When he returned, he brought 24,000 students with him. His wife heard and went out to greet him... When she reached him, she fell on her face and kissed his foot. His attendants pushed her away, but he said, 'Leave her be; mine and yours are hers.'

"Her father heard that a great man had come to the city, and he said, 'I will go to him, and perhaps he will nullify my vow.' He came to R' Akiva. R' Akiva asked him, 'Did you intend this vow even if he would become a great man?' To which he replied, 'Even if he would learn one chapter, or one halachah!'

"R' Akiva said, 'I am he.' Ben Kalba Savua fell on his face and kissed his foot and gave him half of his assets."

(Talmud, Ketuvot 62b-63a)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Honor your wife

Hi,

"The husband is duty bound to honor his wife. This is not optional and extra-legal; it is obligatory. Honor is more than the absence of disrespect; it is the according of salient, deferring respect to the one who is the main cause for true blessing residing in the home."

(R' Reuven Bulka, Jewish Marriage: A Halakhic Ethic, pg. 44-45)

[Note: The point about the home is a quote from Yevamot 62b, and not a statement on women's involvement outside the home.]

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Household fire

Hi,

"Rava said: Why is a woman called אשה? Because she is אש [fire]. Why is a man called איש? Because he is אש [fire]. With the extra י in the man's name and the extra ה in the woman's name, the Name of Gd [י-ה] is among them.

"If they overheat, the Name of Gd departs from their midst, and only fire and fire remain."

(Kallah Rabti 1:7)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Lying for the sake of a positive end

Hi,

Much to consider here:

"Rav had great pain from his marriage to his wife. When he asked her to make lentils, she made another type of bean; when he asked her to make the other type of bean, she made lentils.

"When Rav's son Chiyya grew up, he would reverse his father's requests... Rav told his son, 'Don't do that, for it is written, 'They taught their tongues to speak falsehood.'"

(Talmud, Yevamot 63a)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Chauvinist or Sensitive?

Hi,

You might call this chauvinist, but I prefer to see it as sensitive:

"Rav said: One should always be careful lest he oppress his wife with his speech. She cries more easily, and so his punishment for oppressing her will come quickly."

(Talmud, Bava Metzia 59a)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Honor your wife

Hi,

"Rabbi Chelbo said: A man must always be careful with his wife's honor; there is extra Divine protection upon her, to the point that his estate will not be blessed other than because of his wife. It is written (Bereishit 12), 'And he gave Avram gifts because of her, and he had sheep...'"

(Talmud, Bava Metzia 59a)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Marrying into scholarship

Hi,

"A man should sell everything he owns, if need be, in order to be able to marry the daughter of a Torah scholar."

(Talmud, Pesachim 49a)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Praying for a specific spouse

Hi,

"Rava heard a man praying, 'May so-and-so become my wife.'

"Rava said to him: You should not pray thus; if she is right for you, she will not go to another, but if not, then you will end up denying Gd (for she will not marry you, and you will say that prayer is ineffective)!"

(Talmud, Moed Katan 18b)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Mental Infidelity

Hi,

On the concept of mental infidelity:

"The Torah states (Bamidbar 15), 'And you shall not stray after your hearts.'

"Based on this, Rebbe taught: One may not drink from one cup while he turns his eyes toward another." [I think the euphemism is obvious.]

(Talmud, Nedarim 20b)

Have a great day,
Mordechai