Honour your elder sibling

Hi,

The 33rd mitzvah, honouring one's parents, is frequently described (such as Talmud Yerushalmi Peah 1:1) as the most difficult mitzvah in the Torah, because there is no limit on the efforts required to repay our debt to those who partnered with HaShem to give us life, and who devoted years of their lives to raising us.

This mitzvah is divided into two categories: mora (Reverence) and kavod (Honour). Mora refers to displays of respect, such as not using our parents' seats and not contradicting them. Kavod refers to actions which actively provide honour, such as providing meals or dressing them.

The Talmud (Ketuvot 103a) teaches that one is also obligated to honour an older brother. According to Ramban, this is specifically while the parents are alive, because they wish for him to be honoured. However, the Minchat Chinuch understood Rambam to require such honour even after the parents have passed away. One is also obligated to honour an older sister; see sources cited in Torah Temimah to Shemot 20, note 86.

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Honouring boundaries in the home

Hi,

"If a man says to his wife, 'I don't want your father/mother/brothers/sisters to enter my home,' we listen to him. She should goes to them if something [requiring a visit] occurs…

"They do not go to her unless something happens to her, like illness or a birth. We do not compel someone to permit others to enter his space. 

"And so, too, if she says, 'I don't want your mother/sisters entering my home, and I won’t live in the yard with them because they harm me or pain me,' we listen to her…"

האומר לאשתו אין רצוני שיבואו לביתי אביך ואמך אחיך ואחיותיך שומעין לו ותהיה היא הולכת להם כשיארע להם דבר... 

ולא יכנסו הם לה אלא אם אירע לה דבר כגון חולי או לידה, שאין כופין את האדם שיכנסו אחרים ברשותו.

וכן היא שאמרה אין רצוני שיכנסו אצלי אמך ואחיותיך ואיני שוכנת עמהם בחצר אחת מפני שמריעין לי ומצירין לי שומעין לה..

(Rambam, Mishneh Torah Hilchot Ishut 13:14)

Have a great day,

Mordechai

Inherit the Wind

Hi,

One who causes trouble in his house will inherit the wind, and the fool is a servant for the wise of heart.

עוֹכֵר בֵּיתוֹ יִנְחַל־רוּחַ וְעֶבֶד אֱוִיל לַחֲכַם־לֵב:

(Mishlei [Proverbs] 11:29)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Tzedakah providing protection

Hi,

[Note: 'Af' translates literally as anger.]

"It is written [Mishlei 21:14], 'A gift in secret will bind 'Af.' If a person gives tzedakah in secret, Gd will bind the angel of death, who is called 'Af,' away from him and his household."

(Midrash, Midrash Mishlei 21)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Keeping the family together

Hi,

Bereishit 46:7 says regarding Yaakov: "His sons and his sons' sons with him, his daughters and his sons' daughters and all of his seen, he brought with him to Egypt."

The Netziv commented:
"Yaakov's sons and his sons' sons came with Yaakov [to Egypt] on their own, because they had been instructed by Gd to descend to Egypt, and with them the prophecy of 'Your seed with be strangers' was fulfilled.

"Yaakov's daughters and his sons' daughters and his students were not instructed to do this, and could have married others in Egypt. Yaakov brought them to Egypt, though, to guard them and supervise them for as long as he could."

(Netziv, Haamek Davar to Bereishit 46:7)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Family merit

Hi,

A thought-provoking assertion:

"A father cannot acquire merit for his son, as it is written, ‘None may save from My hand’ – Avraham cannot save Yishmael, Yitzchak cannot save Esav."

(Talmud, Sanhedrin 104a)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Intimidation in the household

Hi,

"One who creates excess fear in his home will, in the end, come to immorality, murder and desecration of Shabbat."

(Talmud, Gittin 6b; Rashi there explains how intimidation leads to each of these)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

Sins of the parents

Hi,

(This passage is a little more complex than those I usually bring, but the topic warrants it.)

"Why do we need the verse, ‘Children will not be put to death for their parents?’ If it is to reach that parents won’t die for their children’s sins and children will not die for their parents’ sins, it is already written, ‘Each man will die for his own sins!’…

"But wait - You say children will not die for their parents’ sins? It is written, ‘He remembers the sins of the parents on their kids!’ No; that is where they continue their parents’ sins."

(Talmud, Sanhedrin 27b)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

Close friendships

Hi,

"When a person has a beloved friend, the relationship is even closer than that of siblings, even when the two are not together. We find this stated in the verse (Samuel I 18), 'And Jonathan's soul clung to David,' which describes a situation in which David and Jonathan were physically separate. Jonathan's soul still clung to David.

"Friendship is greater than sibling ties because sibling relationships begin with their common origin, and the siblings' love comes from their existence together. If they are separated, that is lost. Friends always cling together."

[Of course, siblings can become friends, creating a dual relationship!]

(Vilna Gaon on Proverbs 18:24)

Have a great day,
Mordechai