Thursday, January 31, 2008

When the righteous die

Hi,

"Rabbi Elazar said, citing Rabbi Chanina: A righteous person is lost [only] to his generation.

"To what may we compare it? To a person who lost a gem. Wherever the gem is located, it remains a gem; it is only lost to its owner."

(Talmud, Megilah 15a)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

The importance of visiting [examining] the sick

Hi,

"Rabbi Akiva proclaimed: One who does not examine the ill is spilling their blood."

(Talmud, Nedarim 40a)

To explain - Rabbi Akiva's comment came after an incident in which he visited an ill student and found that the student was not receiving proper care. When Rabbi Akiva came, the care was upgraded and the student recovered.

Note: The term in Hebrew for visiting the sick is 'bikur cholim,' but the actual translation of those words is 'examining the sick,' because this is the essence of the visit, along with praying for the sick person's welfare.

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Monday, January 28, 2008

Daily Torah Thought - 1/29 - Perhaps the most important one. Ever.

Hello,

This may well be the most important Torah Thought I have posted, in over 10 years of these daily emails:

Issue 193 - Safe and Secure
Protecting Our Children – Part Two
by Rabbi Yakov Horowitz

Sad as it may sound, the painful reality is that you cannot provide your children foolproof protection from what are, in my opinion, the greatest physical and spiritual dangers that they might face during their formative years; abuse and molestation. Why? Because it is simply impossible to follow them wherever they go, all the more so as they pass through their pre-teen and teenage years. Furthermore, it is impractical and harmful to their sense of security to raise them to be frightened or suspicious of every adult that they meet. Finally, it is important to understand that although most of the high-profile abuse cases are school based, they are only a tiny percentage of the instances of molestation. Abusers are far more likely to be extended or close family members, older kids in the neighborhood, family friends, neighbors and peers.

With that in mind, I suggest that you view things from a broader perspective and think of protecting your children from abuse/molestation in the following four domains:

1) Training your children about healthy and appropriate norms for behavior between adults and children;

2) Equipping your children with the knowledge of what abusive behaviors are;

3) Empowering your children with the self-confidence to assert themselves when their personal space is violated; and

4) Supporting your children if and when they report to you that they are feeling that things are out of order.

In the broadest sense, the time for fathers and mothers to begin protecting their beloved children from abuse/molestation is the moment they begin their married life together.

Think of it this way. Children who are raised in homes that are havens of safety, love, mutual respect and tolerance are far more likely to immediately notice when they are treated in an abusive manner. Emotionally healthy, self-confident children who appreciate their sacred right to privacy and personal space are far more likely to hear the warning bells blaring whenever that space is invaded. Children who grow up with the notion that they can be comfortable discussing anything with their parents will, in all likelihood, inform them the very moment that something is amiss.

Conversely, children who are bullied into submission by their own parents or those who regularly view one parent being cowed into silence by the other may think that abusive behavior is quite normal. Children who are denied their personal space or whose individuality is crushed or suppressed by their parents or the educational system of their parents’ choice may not think much is amiss when outsiders do the same to them. In fact, as I mentioned in the previous column, most predators have a ‘sixth sense’ of which children have grown up in these trying conditions – and zoom in on them like a moth drawn to light.

Therefore, the most effective thing that parents can do to keep their children safe is to model healthy interactions between adults (that’s you) and children, and to empower them to speak up if they feel threatened or uncomfortable.

Here are some practical tips:

Encourage your children to share the events of their day with you when they arrive home each day. Spend time with them, make eye contact, and listen – really listen – to what they have to say.
Tell your children – early and often – that they can discuss anything with you, no matter how disturbing or uncomfortable those things are. Be aware that this means that you must develop true tolerance for their misdeeds if you want this to continue.
One of the most effective methods of protection is to teach your children that no adult is ever permitted to tell them a secret that they cannot tell their parents. This is a huge ‘red flag’ for predatory behavior, since part and parcel of the depraved strategy of molesters is to keep things secret from parents. There is no acceptable set of circumstances where any adult should ever be telling a child to keep secrets from his/her parents. Teaching your children that this is wrong is a powerful tool in their protective arsenal. Likewise, parents who keep secrets from each other are also modeling poor values (the kids figure it out quite soon).
Encourage the notion of personal space in your child’s life. Tell your children to knock before entering a room if they think that someone there may be undressed (do the same yourself). Give your children a drawer to keep their private possessions, and ask their siblings to respect that privacy.
“Your body belongs to you,” (or, “Your body is on loan to you from Hashem”) is a theme that should be stressed with children. While bathing young children, for example, is often a good time to discuss privacy matters in a calm, matter-of-fact manner. Tell them about ‘good touching’ and ‘bad touching’. One way of expressing this concept is to explain to them that no one except for parents can touch them in a spot covered by a bathing suit. Please do not alarm them. Frame the discussion as one of safety, and use the same tone that you would use when informing them not to take candy from strangers and not to cross the street without an adult.
Another supremely important thing to convey to children is that they should not ever be forced to do things that make them feel uncomfortable. Tell them that if they are asked to do something that “doesn’t feel right,” they have the right to say no – even to an adult. (Many, many victims report that they felt they had no choice but to go along with the demands of the abuser.)
If you suspect that your child was molested, please seek the counsel of a trained mental health professional, preferably before you speak to your children.

As I noted earlier, foolproof protection is virtually impossible. But implementing these practical suggestions will dramatically increase the odds that your children will remain safe and secure.

© 2008 Rabbi Yakov Horowitz, all rights reserved

For more posts by Rabbi Horowitz, and to sign up for his weekly emails, go to www.rabbihorowitz.com.

Be well,
Mordechai

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Signs of successful prayer

Hi,

"If a person prays and errs, it is a bad sign for him. If he is the Chazan, it is a bad sign for those who sent him, for one’s agent is like himself.

"They say of Rabbi Chanina ben Dosa that he would pray for the ill and say, ‘This one will live, this one will die.’ They asked, ‘How do you know?’ To which he replied, ‘If my prayer is smooth in my mouth, I know it is received. If not, I know it has been torn up.’"

(Talmud, Berachot 34b)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Saturday, January 26, 2008

The visiting angels of Shabbat

Hi,

"Rabbi Yosi bar Yehudah said: Two ministering angels escort a person on Friday from the synagogue to his home, one of them good and one of them bad.

"When they come to his home and find the lamp lit and the table set and the bed arranged, the good angel says, ‘May it be the Will that next Shabbat will be like this.’ And the bad angel is forced to answer ‘Amen.’

"If not, the bad angel says, ‘May it be the Will that next Shabbat will be like this.’ And the good angel is forced to answer ‘Amen.’"

(Talmud, Shabbat 119b)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Daily Torah Thought - 1/25

Hi,

"Whereas you, son and daughter of Israel, are to be neither plant nor animal but human being, and in this human vocation you must feel yourself to be called upon to serve not yourself but Gd, with all that you are, with all that you have and will have, and with your enjoyments and actions, and dedicate yourself freely with your whole being to Gd.

"If through this you have become a true Israelite, you will not feel ta'avah (desire), you will not strive for any enjoyment or possession for yourself, you will strive in everything for means of doing things pleasing to Gd... you will know nothing of ta'avah, in which you yourself are the objective."

(R' Shimshon Raphael Hirsch, Horeb, paragraph 100)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Daily Torah Thought - 1/23

Hi,


"The successes of this world as well as its troubles all exist so that a person will be tested in them in some trial, which the Divine wisdom has gauged to be appropriate for that person."

(R' Moshe Chaim Luzzato, Derech HaShem [Path of Gd], 2:3)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Monday, January 21, 2008

Drafting Torah scholars

Hi,

Here's a controversial one:

"Rabbi Avahu said, citing Rabbi Elazar: Why was Avraham punished, and why were his descendants enslaved in Egypt for 210 years? Because he drafted Torah scholars for military service, as it is written, 'And he brought out his trainees, those born into his house.'"

(Talmud, Nedarim 32a)

Aside from the political issues of today, this is problematic because:
1. Avraham himself went, and there is no penalty for that trip;
2. This was a trip geared toward saving a life (although perhaps Lot was not in mortal peril).

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Conversion to Judaism

Hi,

"Those who convert to Judaism are also considered 'children of our father Abraham,' for all who keep the Torah are included in his children; Avraham was the first of those to convert.

"It is written: I have made you a father of many nations. At first he was a father to Aram, and now a father to all nations [as they are represented among those who convert to Judaism]."

(Explanation of Rosh to Talmud, Nedarim 31a)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Saturday, January 19, 2008

What is a malach?

Hi,

"Should you tell one of those people who consider themselves Sages that Gd sends an angel into a woman’s womb, and that this angel creates the form of a fetus and its functions, he would accept this and think that this is part of the glory of Gd. He would believe, at the same time, that the angel has a body of burning flame, and that this angel has a body which is as large as one-third of this whole planet.

"However, should you tell him that Gd put the power of creation into a tiny drop of fluid, the power to create the form of a fetus’ limbs, and that this fluid is the angel, he would say that this is impossible, and he would not believe!

"Our Sages have already explained that each of the body’s functions is considered an angel, for such is the case with all of the forces in the universe."

(Maimonides, Guide of the Perplexed 2:6)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Justice!

Hi,


"So HaShem, Gd of multitudes, has said: Judge laws of truth, and perform acts of generosity and mercy with your brethren. Do not cheat the widow, the orphan, the stranger and the papuper, and do not think ill of your borther in your hearts."

(Zecharyah 7:9-10)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Mental Infidelity

Hi,

On the concept of mental infidelity:

"The Torah states (Bamidbar 15), 'And you shall not stray after your hearts.'

"Based on this, Rebbe taught: One may not drink from one cup while he turns his eyes toward another." [I think the euphemism is obvious.]

(Talmud, Nedarim 20b)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Monday, January 14, 2008

The definition of Gemilut Chasadim

Hi,

"Before anything one must know that the definition of 'Gemilut Chasadim' (generosity) is not specifically a matter of lending money, as some people think. Rather, it applies to any benevolent act, in which a person acts generously and benefits another person without receiving anything in return."

(R' Yisrael Meir Kagan, Ahavat Chesed, Introduction)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Daily Torah Thought - 1/14

Hi,

"One who knows some of his internal good and bad traits does not know himself at all.

"When our eyes are opened to the potential for growth that is embedded in us, and along with this we see our prejudices and our biases and the trickery and destruction that is also nesting in us, without leaving within ourselves any internal refuge which is safe from negative analysis - that is knowledge of ourselves."

"One philosopher has called this, 'descent to Hell while still alive.'"

(R' Shlomo Wolbe, Alei Shor, Shaar Shlishi)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Saturday, January 12, 2008

The prohibition against mixing meat and dairy foods

Hi,

"Regarding the prohibition against eating meat and milk:

"Aside from the fact that this is a very coarse food and it causes great satiation (and therefore poor digestion in Galen/Maimonidean medicine), it appears not unlikely to me that there is also a relationship to idolatry. Perhaps they would eat such foods in an idolatrous service or for an idolatrous festival."

(Maimonides, Guide of the Perplexed, III 48)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Speaking advice for rabbis

Hi,

Words of caution to those who sermonize in the name of the Torah:

"There must not be, in his words, anything which strays from the truth known to the public who will hear his words. There must not be words which have neither foundation nor root, as public speakers are wont to offer now in these lands.

"They explain scripture and the words of the sages with meanings that the authors never intended and that never entered their hearts and minds. They claim to explain the true intentions of the words, but their intention is only to harm. Were they to leave the words of the sages as they are, the simple meaning of their declarations would offer great wisdom, but they turn the sweet to bitter and so their intention is to harm."

(Maharal, Netivot Olam, Netiv haTochachah Chapter 3)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Daily Torah Thought - 1/9

Hi,

"Integrity of speech, action, and attitude stands at the forefront on the list of attributes of the committed citizen and certainly the devoted Jew. While the challenges to honesty come in multiple forms, the call to resist these challenges is constant and emblematic of the halakhic ideal. It behooves every Jew to spare no effort in ensuring that all his words and deeds are stamped 'with the seal of Gd.'"

(R' Daniel Z. Feldman, The Right and the Good, pg. 74)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Monday, January 7, 2008

Reason to quit smoking

Hi,

An interesting anti-smoking tactic:

"Rav Shalom of Belz (the first Belzer Rebbe, 1779-1855) was a smoker in his youth. Once, while studying Torah in the beit midrash, he saw a youth clean out his pipe and re-fill it. During that time, Rav Shalom completed studying an entire page of Talmud.

"Rav Shalom of Belz said to himself: 'If this tool could keep me from studying a page of Talmud, it will never again enter my mouth.' And from then, he never smoked."

(Sefer Binyan Olam Chapter 3, citing Sefer Rachmei Av)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Proper memorials

Hi,

Regarding the practice of reciting Kaddish, leading davening or reading the Haftorah in memory of a relative, I am often asked whether it is acceptable to hire someone else to do those things. Here is an interesting note along those lines:

"It would be appropriate for a son who would honor his parent to know his place and not trust in himself to recite Kaddish, Haftorah or davening until he goes to a learned person first to examine him. If he cannot do these things, it would be better for him to hire a learned person to learn and recite Kaddish and lead davening for the memory of his father and mother."

(R' Eliezer Papo, Pele Yoetz, Kibbud Av va'Em)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Measuring love of Gd

Hi,


"Love of HaShem is measured by the impact one has on others, by the calm of one's rhetoric, the pleasantness of one's dealings."

(R' Menachem Genack, Tradition 32:4)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Our biases

Hi,

An interesting observation on human nature:

"Most deeds are acceptable to observers based upon the status of that person who performs them. When a person appears important and his deeds are generally good, then all that he does will find favor and seem intelligent in the eyes of all observers."

(Sefer haChinuch, Mitzvah 275)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Free Will

Hi,

Here's a Torah Thought that seems to contradict basic Jewish beliefs regarding repentance and self-improvement - but it doesn't, if you read the whole source, which I cannot bring here. I bring this piece here more to inspire thought than to make a statement:

"Although freedom of choice is given to human beings, still, a person cannot change from his root and basic character. The Talmud says (Sanhedrin 44a), 'Even when a Jew sins, he is still a Jew,' from a holy stem and root..."

(R' Tzadok haKohen of Lublin, Tzidkat haTzaddik #130)

Have a great day,
Mordechai